Basic Ass Mashed Potatoes


Do I even need to introduce our next guest to the basic ass recipe party? It’s mashed potatoes! I feel like if you have been alive for longer than 35 seconds, you are familiar with mashed potatoes.

So, what new spin can I put on mashed potatoes?

Actually, not a damn thing. There’s no spin in this recipe. This is just an easy to follow recipe to make yourself some delicious mashed potatoes. It’s currently summer time, and it’s simply too damn hot to be doing spins or much else, for that matter.

Without further ado: TATERS FO YO ASS!



  • 1 big ass russet potato (adjust recipe if you use more or less)
  • 1 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1 teaspoon onion powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt (be prepared to add more because potatoes are bland AF, TBH)
  • 1/2 teaspoon pepper (…same warning as above ^)
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons of butter (treat yo self!)
  • Whole milk, cream, or virgin tears
    • NOTE: Instead of milk or cream, use some liquid that will make the potatoes taste delicious; you may omit this if you’re lactose intolerant and / or oppose dairy. If you don’t use milk or cream, please source the finest virgin tears you can afford.
  • TOOLS: medium sized pot and a steamer basket


  1. Bring water to a boil. Use enough water to cover the bottom of your pan, but not too much that it comes through your steamer basket.img_2609
  2. Rinse your potato.
  3. Peel your big ass russet potato.img_2607
  4. Cut your big ass potato into cubes.img_2608
  5. Place your big ass potato cubes into the steamer basket. Steam for approximately 10 minutes, or until very, very flaky and tender.
  6. Dump your tender and flaky potato cubes into a bowl.img_2623
  7. Add all seasonings, butter, and milk to the potatoes. Mash to combine.

Do not over mash your potatoes. Some things are better with a few lumps, like buttocks and mashed potatoes. Both can be enjoyed even if they’re a little lumpy.

Taste and add more seasonings, as desired. Do not be afraid to drown your potatoes in salt. YOLO!

Check out this post to see a recipe for some basic ass salmon to go with your mashed potatoes.

And, check out this post to see a recipe for some delicious and healthy broccoli to go with your mashed potatoes.

Bon appetit!

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