Basic Ass Pinto Beans

Beans. Harbingers of intestinal gas. Nuggets of fiber. A simple and tasty thing to have for dinner!

I have heard other home cooks and chefs say that the best beans are the dried ones, soaked over night. I have a confession: while I believe that dried beans taste better, I have honestly never soaked my own dried beans. I plan to in the future, but this recipe just uses plain ole canned pinto beans.

Beans are a good source of fiber (and farts!) and are so, so affordable. A can of organic beans from one of the spendiest grocers (Whole Foods, of course) will still cost you less than $1. A can can yield 2-3 servings, depending on how hungry you are, making beans a great bang for your buck…AND YOUR BUTT, if you catch my drift.

Enough fart jokes! Here’s the recipe:


Ingredients for 2-3 servings:

  • 1 can of pinto beans
  • Kielbasa style sausage, amount of your choosing (I used about 6-8 ounces)
  • Herb blend seasoning (I used Herbs de Provence) and 2 bay leaves (I did not have bay leaves, but they add a great extra flavor)
  • 1/2 large onion
  • 4-5 garlic cloves
  • 1 tablespoon avocado or vegetable oil
  • Rice (optional)
  • Salt and pepper to taste


  1. Put the oil in a pan over medium high heat.
  2. Chop the sausage. Add it to the pan and allow it to “fry” in the oil for about 3-4 minutes, or until some parts are brown.
  3. Add water and a pinch of salt to a pot. Add rice and cook using your desired method, to your desired doneness. Rice should cook while you proceed with the rest of the steps below.
  4. Dice the onion. Add to the pot with the sausage; stir to combine. Sprinkle with a pinch of salt.
  5. Open the beans. DO NOT DRAIN THEM. Add about an additional half bean can’s amount of water to the pot. Sprinkle in a pinch of salt and a few cracks of pepper.
  6. Chop the garlic; add it to the pot. Add the herbal seasonings and bay leaves, if you have them.
  7. Allow the beans to cook, uncovered, over medium heat, until the “bean juice” (umm?) has thickened, approximately 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Cook them covered, over low heat, if you have more time. Taste the beans *before* you serve them to check for seasoning. Beans are notoriously bland and require quite a bit of salt. Don’t be mean to yourself by eating under-seasoned beans.
  8. Serve hot, over rice, and enjoy!

Watch me make this recipe and discuss the importance of seasoning EVERYTHING in this hilarious video. This video features an up and coming new rapper, MC Cookin Stuff.

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