Welcome to the inaugural post for the Basic Ass Cooking blog. Before you read any farther, please subscribe!
Why I Did This
I suppose this is where I write a long, drawn out story about how I love chicken and things that are shaped like balls, right? That’s what other food bloggers do. Who am I to blaze a new path?
The truth is more like this: I had a single chicken breast sitting in the fridge and I didn’t feel like have beef meatballs. So I made chicken ones. I hope that explanation is heartwarming enough to entice you to keep reading and come back to this blog in the future. I can’t say that I’ve ever been called much of a romantic.
Why You Should Make This
They’re hella easy, especially if you have a food processor. If you don’t, still make them, like the knife wielding heathen that I know you are, deep inside.
They might also be lower in fat than beef meatballs; perhaps lower in calories, too. But, honestly I am not trying to push healthy benefits on you. You do you, boo boo.
- 2 crackers (any kind, or 1 slice of plain ass bread)
- 1 large chicken breast (approximately 4-5 ounces)
- 2 garlic cloves
- 1/4 yellow onion (cut a whole onion into quarters and use one piece)
- 1 large egg
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
- 1 tablespoon grated parmesan cheese
- 1/4 teaspoon Herbs du Provence (optional, if you want the pleasure of saying this aloud)
- 2 collard green leaves with stems (optional, if you want to be all healthy and shit)
(Note: I used a food processor to make this. If you have one, use it. If not, throw your whole life away and start over.)
- Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
Arrange food processor and clean, overpriced glass bowl on counter top.
- Process the following ingredients in the food processor, in the following order. Allow the food processor to run until all ingredients are chopped as finely as possible. Alternatively, chop or grate the onion and garlic / greens and smash the crackers with a rolling pin or spouse’s head.
- Garlic / greens
- Process the chicken breast using the PULSE button. Pulse the chicken breast into small pieces. Alternatively, use about 1 pound of pre-ground chicken that you bought from the sto. Put all remaining ingredients into the bowl.
- Crack the egg into the middle of the ingredients, for dramatic affect.
- Use your hands or a spatula to gently mix all ingredients together. I was feeling a bit like a punk ass, so I used a spatula. Use your hands if you’re a real OG. The mixture will look like dog vomit, but the end result won’t taste like it.
- Use an ice cream scoop to make balls approximately the same size. Or, use your best judgement. Just don’t make giant ass balls and then little bitty ass balls. All of those mix-matched ass balls will screw with your cooking time.
- Spray a foil lined baking sheet with PAM or some other non-stick spray. DO NOT skip this step. These little tasty bastards will stick to the foil if you don’t. Also, don’t ask me how I know.
8. Arrange the balls on the foil lined baking sheet according to your personal geometric desires.9. Bake at 400 degrees Fahrenheit for 15 minutes.
I took the basic ass route and stirred these into store bought tomato sauce and served them over cooked spaghetti.
Eating these made me feel so healthy and self-righteous. I quite enjoyed seeing those little green specks of nutrition sprinkled throughout the meatball.